I have not written to this blog since May, and the hiatus has been caused by the enormous amount of work I've got dealing with my PhD thesis. Or, being more accurate in words, the stress caused by the writing of my dissertation has hampered me from posting here. I have read a gazillion web articles and related literature (like, you know, books) speaking about how to deal with stress and stay positive. My ill attitude to dissertating has made me nervous and whiny, and, yes, you'd rather not ask me how my thesis's going, unless you're my supervisor. A common mistake my Mom always does. She sort of cares, I know, I know.
I like thinking that I'm not alone who's struggling against routine writing willing to come up with a beautiful and well-made piece of artistry aka la Thèse de Doctorat. It is supposed to boost my stocks on the job market, bring me scientific recognition, and - with some luck - make my mother admit that, yes, I can get my stuff done. Also, when booking Ryanair flights I will be able to choose a "Dr" prefix to my name. Isn't it cool to hold in your hand a boarding pass stating that it belongs to Dr. Chica Guapa ("Beautiful Chic", Spanish)?
Anyway, there are a lot of reasons out there why do we want to be (called) doctors. My grandest discovery and deception is that your optimism hits the zero point right when you are so close to the ending. That is, when you are already in the middle of writing the manuscript which is your thesis-to-be and which is narrating about all the important stuff you have discovered. The research is over, and this is the fun part, and now you have to everyday confront the rigorous reality of LaTeX formatting, proper abbreviating in your citations and arguing with your scientific advisor if you should include more sources into the bibliographical review. On the background, you also start doubting whether all of this that you've been writing has any sense at all. You wonder if anyone will ever read your work, and, in an improbable case of the occasion, will they find it boring, absurd etc. etc.
When I had just started my PhD, I was thinking that it is all about doing a fancy research, go abroad for nice whisky tasting conferences, hanging out with handsome AND smart men and choosing a proper dress for the defense of the thesis. Well, it turns out to be not exactly like this.
I don't know what I will do for living when I graduate. However, I am convinced that I will write a book, an article or at least another entry to this blog about what's really happening after you get enrolled to a PhD program. Not that is is a hell on Earth, but you'd rather be an optimist and know what you are really up to.
